Learn to say it now, me included

Dad's headstone stands out as a unique piece of art in Tambun...

with his own calligraphed words, inscribed at the back .......... it reads "Not asking for tons of Gold but just asking for wise chidren and grandchildren."

Dad passed on in 2004.

Dad knew that I appreciate his calligraphy and should have guessed that I would one day honour his skills for all to see. Perhaps more words of comfort and praise should have been spoken when he was bed-ridden before he was finally called to be with the Lord.

That was my first time delivering an eulogy at dad's funeral. He could not then hear all the nice things said about him (spiritually he could be there listening, but that must be different)... and I dedicated a portion of my eulogy for dad, to compliment mom who, at 80 years old then, was listening..... that "she has been a silent supporter and she is the Shinning Light for the Lord in this house...and dad had experienced the love of God through her, her untiring caregiving and loyalty.." Mom now 85, is being cared by a Vietnamese maid, whom she treats like a dear daughter.

Why we must wait to say all the nice things and compliments only during funerals?

One very popular and well-loved pastor who passed away about 2 years ago, had predicted that there would be many who would like say something during his funeral service.... before he died, his instruction was to allow just a handful of speakers, representing different phases of his life. He cautioned the speakers not to be too long-winded or else some of the audience may prefer to be in the coffin than to remain alive listening..
Should not we learn to say the nice things to another person when she or he is still able to appreciate the compliments? Even if you cannot come up with one single good thing to say... at least come up with something positive, an advice, so that he or she can improve before he or she disappears from the face of this earth.

Morrie Schwartz, the sociology professor (in "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom) who was dying and after attended a funeral of a friend who had died suddenly, decided to organise himself a "living funeral" before he died... so that he could be there to hear all the nice things his relatives and friends had to say about him. He cried and laughed with some of them. It was a rousing success!

In 1997, I organised a sit-in session for all staff , each writing on a sheet of paper, ONE nice thing about each and every colleague in the company. Nothing negative was allowed. This one guy who was never good or in the habit of saying anything good about anyone... managed to scribble "OK" on almost every colleague he has interacted. At the end of the session, I personally typed out all the input on an A4 sheet of "certificate' to each staff on all the "nice and positive" words from the 40-odd colleagues. I am sure there is someone out there still keeping his or her "certificate".

We need to constantly remind ourselves of the need to be generous and energetic with giving praises and compliments or just something positive to the other person. Or suggesting some positive alternatives... using the management term called APB (Alternative Positive Behaviours). If there is nothing good to say, a smile will do. "Better to whiten your teeth (smile) at your friend than to give him milk (even if he is thirsty)" - Jewish saying.

Life may not be worth the living if nobody attends your "living funeral" should you decide to organise one...... your friends may just give excuses as they would have their own priorities to get on with their own living..... as in the Parable of the Great Feast (Luke 14: 15-24).

Just be a mortal praising God and all His creation, including your loved ones.