Loving What Is

Read this book by Byron Katie (2002).

There are only 3 kinds of business in this universe - mine, yours and God's.
Anything that's out of my control, your control and everyone else's control, that is God's business. It is also called "Reality".

When I think "you need a job"; "I want you to be happy"; "You should be on time"; "You need to take better care of yourself" ---- I am in your business!

When I am worried about earthquakes, floods, wars and when will I die ------ I am in God's business!
To think that I know what is best for anyone else is to be out of my business. Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance and the result is tension, anxiety and fear.

Do I know what is best for me? This is my only business.

Accept reality and deal with it.
Which is more enpowering? "I wish I hadn't lost my job" versus "I lost my job ; what can I do now?"

The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is, the reality. It is hopeless.
If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You try and try and finally, the cat will look up to you and say "Meow"!

What about "loving thy neighbouras thyself"? a friend of mine asked.

I had thought about that too .... if everybody minds his own business and be self-centred, then this world is not a good place to be in.

I cannot find any specific answer from the book, to that question. But having read the book, let me TRY to rationalise...

I think loving my neigbours and all the people around me, is within my control. It is my business. However if I were to expect my neighbour to love me or care for me in certain ways that I think appropriate, then I will going into his business of behaviour or action (which is not within my control). Sometimes what I think or like others to do like "I want him to.." , "I need him to.."; "he shouldn't have.."; "he should have.."; "I am angry with him because..." etc...... these phrases if repeated over my mind, would eventually become a basis for "judging thy neighbour".

This book challenges us to ask the following 4 questions (she calls it The Work) whenever we are "out of bound" and have gone into "others' business" :

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
4. Who would you b without the thoughts?
and
Turn it around

The Work, she claims has worked for many people in all kinds of situations ..couples and family life; work and money; self-judgement; with children; body and addictions; making friends with the worst that can happen ....

I suppose one has to read the book and work the worksheet to gain the real insight.

So, my short answer to my friend's question is: Yes, by all means love thy neighbour but not judge thy neighbour.
The latter, often is very hard to do!!!

"A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It's not thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts, that cause suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it's true, without enquiring."

In conclusion, mind you own business well first before you mind others' business that you consider as your business as well, because you care.